Recently my father-in-law’s most constant and least fulfilled request is for Emjay and I to join him and his wife on one of their overnight trip to the mountains, or to the sea, or somewhere a decent distance from home. Since we just don’t have time for this at the moment we eventually decided to settle for meeting his second most common suggestion: 온천 (Oncheon), a visit to the natural hot springs.
Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Until you realise that hot springs over here tend to be divided into gender-specific areas, and that you’re expected to wear your birthday suit, as is common in saunas and public baths all over Korea.
It took me a long time to agree to this. My relationship with my father-in-law was complicated enough before I married his daughter, but to think of getting naked with him…? It wasn’t top of my to-do list.
To him and much of Korea the idea of visiting the hot springs is a very normal one, and he probably imagined it as a good way of bonding with his son-in law. Since neither of us are very chatty by nature it makes sense to just spend time doing something together instead, in the same vein as when we played golf at the driving range together early on a Saturday morning.
To me, bathing with a bunch of guys is not normal.
Perhaps it was my British sensibility or the bitter dregs of teenage insecurity, but the first time I went to a public bath I was very alone, rather nervous and noticeably awkward, standing starkers as I tried to work out which of the various pools I should run for cover in first.
I wisely chose to start with a shower (a cultural must, it turns out), where it took me a good while to realise that there’s really nothing that strange about being naked in public, and that I could just relax and enjoy bathing.
When you get over your self-consciousness public baths really aren’t that weird.
But with my father-in-law? Whenever I thought about it I couldn’t get past the fear of the awkward moment when he would see my naked body and behold the fellow whose actions will one day be making his daughter pregnant.
Finally, a couple of weeks ago I gathered my courage and suggested we visit the hot springs together.
As we entered into the locker room I recollected the awkwardness of my first public bath experience, but instead of letting it get the better of me I reminded myself how it had been nowhere near as bad as I had anticipated. It would probably be the same this time, too.
We got undressed, wandered into the bathing room and relaxed. Naked.
He took me around and explained the different baths, massage tanks and steam rooms to me, but generally just left me to relax and wander as I pleased. Before long we were dipping in and out of hot and really hot and cold pools, then sweating buckets in the saunas only to jump under heavy showers of cold water alongside one another.
We even ventured to the small outdoor courtyard where we displayed our dripping bodies to the mountains and the valleys and the sun and the breeze and we let them dry us off.
What a great way of getting to know each other. Not too much talking. Just relaxing and bathing together, and sharing the experience of being a man.
I think that’s what public baths are about. Unashamedly revealing yourself to your fellow man, and in doing so sharing everything that is normally hidden away from society.
Oh, and something about getting clean, apparently.
Without the need to step carefully around cultural differences and language difficulties my father-in-law and I shared baths and everything we can’t normally communicate through words.
Thank you, father-in-law, for making the effort to spend time with me, getting to know me and for patiently helping me to navigate the workings of a Korean family. Thank you for always reminding me: we’re family now.
Cunning Culture 